Mac Styran
Ghostwriter
Darth Benedict's Holy Handgranade
Posts: 231
|
Post by Mac Styran on Feb 22, 2005 10:35:12 GMT -8
John O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life, between the legs of me wife!" That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night! He went home and told his wife, Mary, "I won the prize for the best toast of the night."
She said, "Aye, did ye now. And what was your toast?" John said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life, sitting in church beside me wife." "Oh, that is very nice indeed, John!" Mary said.
The next day, Mary ran into one of John's drinking buddies on the street corner. The man chuckled leeringly and said, "John won the prize the other night at the pub with a toast about you, Mary."
She said, "Aye, he told me, and I was a bit surprised meself. You know, he's only been there twice in the last four years. Once he fell asleep, and the other time I had to pull him by the ears to make him come."
|
|
Mac Styran
Ghostwriter
Darth Benedict's Holy Handgranade
Posts: 231
|
Post by Mac Styran on Feb 22, 2005 10:35:50 GMT -8
A guy is standing at a urinal when he notices that he's being watched by a midget. Although the little fellow is staring at him intently, the guy doesn't get uncomfortable until the midget drags a small step ladder up next to him, climbs it, and proceeds to admire his privates at close range.
"Wow," comments the midget, "Those are the nicest balls I have ever seen!"
Surprised-and flattered-the man thanks the midget and starts to move away.
"Listen, I know this is a rather strange request," says the little fellow, "but I wonder if you would mind if I touched them."
Again the man is rather startled, but seeing no real harm in it, he obliges the request. The midget reaches out, gets a tight grip on the man's balls, and says, "Okay, hand over your wallet or I'll jump!"
|
|
Mac Styran
Ghostwriter
Darth Benedict's Holy Handgranade
Posts: 231
|
Post by Mac Styran on Feb 22, 2005 10:37:35 GMT -8
And a short one:
Why don't witches wear panties?
Better grip on the broom.
|
|
Mac Styran
Ghostwriter
Darth Benedict's Holy Handgranade
Posts: 231
|
Post by Mac Styran on Feb 22, 2005 10:40:16 GMT -8
And I'll leave you with that one:
A guy goes to his eye doctor for an examination. They start talking as the doctor is examing his eyes. In the middle of their conversation, the doctor casually says, "You need to stop masturbating."
The guy replies, "Why Doc? Am I going blind?"
The doctor says, "No, but you're upsetting the other patients in the waiting room."
|
|
Mac Styran
Ghostwriter
Darth Benedict's Holy Handgranade
Posts: 231
|
Post by Mac Styran on Mar 4, 2005 11:32:46 GMT -8
AND ON WE GO ......
Mary received a parrot as a gift. The parrot was fully grown with a very bad attitude and worse vocabulary. Every other word was a curse: those that weren't curses were to say the least, rude.
Mary tried to change the bird's attitude by constantly saying polite things. Words and playing soft music...anything she could think of. Nothing worked.
She yelled at the bird and the bird got worse. She shook the bird and the bird got madder and more rude. Finally in a moment of desperation, Mary put the parrot in the freezer to get a minute of peace.
For a few moments she heard the bird swearing, squawking kicking and screaming and then, suddenly there was absolute quiet. Mary was frightened that she might have actually hurt the bird and quickly opened the freezer door. The parrot calmly stepped out onto Mary's extended arm and said:
"I'm very sorry that I offended you with my language and my actions and I ask your forgiveness. I will endeavor to correct my behavior and I am sure it will never happen again."
Mary was astounded at the changes in the bird's attitude and was about to ask what had changed him, when the parrot continued, "May I ask what the chicken did?"
|
|
|
Post by Demetris Christodoulides on Mar 5, 2005 18:09:22 GMT -8
haha really good one! ;D ;D
|
|