Post by Hook on Aug 22, 2008 19:18:31 GMT -8
You've been warned...
Warner Bros. figured their last Superman movie sucked balls and that comic book films turn a huge profit when they're made with skill and treated with respect. Good for them.
In the past, the media has stolen some of my ideas by their super psychic abilities to analyze my memories from afar and convert them into box office gold. While I know this isn't true, I sure wish it were. Here's two case examples:
1. Back when I was a kid I watched all the "Making of" specials and the effects programs they ran on Discovery (I think). From watching Jason and the Argonauts and its mentions on all these programs, I always thought it'd be a cool idea to bring back sword fighting skeletons on the big screen, only with pirates, and the skeletons would also be pirates (from yore, yarrgh!) but they were under some kind of curse, and as the lead baddie killed off the right people, the skeletons under his command would slowly regenerate bits and pieces until they became full-fledged human beings once again. Then came The Mummy and Pirates of the Caribbean and there goes my idea.
2. Lately, there was a news article on Digg about those annoying "I'm a Mac" ads and how Microsoft hated them and wanted to do unspeakable things to them. I suggested Microsoft come up with a marketing strategy in which Bill Gates starred in their ads because a. People really like the guy and b. He has starred in various hilarious shorts for in-house employees, like his retirement vid, the one where he works with Napoleon Dynamite, and the Driver's Wanted for IE, all of which have been a hit on the internet. Obviously, I was dugg down. Well, whaddaya know: online.wsj.com/article/SB121928939429159525.html?mod=hpp_us_whats_news He will appear in them with Jerry Seinfeld. Hey, look, I know Jerry wasn't my idea, but how do I know if the marketing team didn't read my post, buried it in hopes no one would see it, and struck gold with this ad? I'm owed money here, as far as I'm concerned.
That said, here's my brilliant idea for a Superman film, with bits and pieces which I know are contained in previous iterations of failed Superman projects.
---Begin brilliant idea for Superman film--
Don't reboot the franchise. Not just yet. Comic books retcon their main characters' storylines all the time, but they also throw one-off comics out in the air. They're mostly considered outside of canon and what ifs by fans, but they're fun. I say do this. The setting is a world in the verge of conflict. Mean, nasty, nuclear warfare. It's going to be total chaos. Superman is older. We don't know his age, because we don't know how Superman ages, but he's definitely not the young reporter he used to be. The people he loved no longer exist. No Lois Lane, no none of that. His powers have diminished somewhat and he's in distress with no net of support. He's alone, he can't sustain his secret identity forever because he can't explain why he just doesn't die of old age, the planet is going downhill despite his best efforts. He still believes in truth, justice, and the American way, but his soul faces daily bruisings by the increasingly violent and anarchic society he has seen develop since his arrival and he wonders if the world's super powers have tuned and perfected their weapons technology and turned it into this monstrous menace in response to his own super power abilities. "Let's see if the Superman can handle this". Add a bit of gray hair and a stub and who in the world would play him? Nicholas Cage? Pffft. No. Clive Owen:
War escalates. A major blast in an American desert sets off the country's alarm, but high-ranking military personnel with cooler heads call off attacks on the enemy until they get this thing sorted out, even though the public is aware of the incident and is clamoring for action. An investigation immediately goes underway and, as it turns out, it's an orb not from this world and out of it comes a computerized messiah. Earth has a new alien visitor: Brainiac. And I'm not talking about the terrible comic versions in which he's reduced to "Shrinker of Worlds" (see the pun? laugh at my pun!). Like Mr. Freeze before him, the best version of Brainiac comes from the Animated Series.
The rest of the story follows along the same path: Brainiac, once the supercomputer that ran most of the day-to-day operations on Krypton, offers peace by sharing his intricate knowledge of technologies and civilizations from all over the galaxy, in exchange for mining Earth's own data. LuthorCorp, creator and sometimes operator of the most advanced computer and defense systems on Earth, offers its intelligence and infrastructure in aid of the cyborg. For the hell of it, Luthor himself does exist in this universe and is running things on the corporate side. This time he's interested in helping the U.S. and its allies deter the course of war and squash the enemy with the best he has, and so is also lured by Brainiac's knowledge on how to create Doomsday (this could get cut because it may turn out to be too much for one movie). For the record, the best Lex Luthor would be anyone who can look and act like Yul Brynner.
Superman has his own reservations, though. He is intrigued by his new Kryptonian friend and is eager to know everything about his homeworld as best he can and is hopeful that this could very well turn out to be cultural exchange Earth so desperately needs. On the other hand, this robot thing did leave Krypton unscathed and ready on time. What is he really up to? Superman begs Luthor to be cautious and while Luthor puts their rivalry aside for this cause, he's annoyed at Superman's overprotectiveness and, besides, he can't let him in too close on his secret Doomsday weapon and he's not too trustul himself. He's got a plan B: an entire arsenal aimed at Brainiac's center of operations in case anything goes wrong.
(What may be cut): Eventually, Doomsday is unleashed on the enemy (for the sake of argument, let's say they're Nazis. Chinese nazis if it helps). As expected, Doomsday completely overruns the communist Nazis and destroys them one by one. However, he can't be controlled or, apparently, destroyed. Swarms of unmanned weapons (courtesy of Brainiac's vast knowledge) are sent its way to no avail. The area is evacuated and Superman is sent to destroy Doomsday with the help of Luthor's newest creations. Ultimately, he prevails, but just as his stamina drops, Luthor's army bots and missiles aim for him!(end Olympic Gold medalist Nazis and Doomsday storyline)
He escapes only to find the horrific truth: that was no Luthor signature on the attack form. Brainiac, as it turns out, is intending to destroy Earth. Superman learns Brainiac's past: as Krypton's ultimate supercomputer, it was aware of the planet's upcoming catastrophe. Thinking that only the records of Krypton have any value whatsoever (after all, he is a data cruncher), he misleads Krypton's council of elders and chooses to save himself, the destruction of Krypton a mere natural proceeding of events. Ever since, he has data mined planet after planet, destroying each and every one and preserving their records in his memory, to be accessed by him, and him alone.
Superman must stop it. He enlists the help of Luthor, but it's too late. Luthor's Plan B fails. Brainiac has copied its programming into all of Luthor's creations and network of computers, ensuring its survival, and a swift destruction of Earth. While Luthor fights for a workaround, Superman confronts Brainiac mano a mano. It's a toughie, as now Brainiac's consciousness has decentralized into a whole network spanning the globe, but Superman finds the "man" behind it all. I imagine the classic Brainiac look (minus the hokey green skin tone) and the ability to couple to its surroundings, kind of calling them into his being, but always with a droid-like figure at its core, a well-defined feature you can easily tell apart from the rest of the scrap and metal. Seriously, isn't this cool?
Brainiac is confident that he'll get away with his plans, but instead of cackling like a maniac, he tries to win over the man of steel with the promise of restoring Krypton and suggests one of its cities may still exist (alluding to the "Shrinker of Worlds" bit). Earth is doomed, anyway. Didn't you see those godless Nazis over? And The Mandarin over there (not the Mandarin, but a bad, Middle-Eastern guy). Unbeknownst to him, humanity has gathered in trying to destroy the alien menace ever since Doomsday got out of control. They're all on ONE side now. Brainiac is toast, but only if Superman (and Luthor) can figure out a way to defeat him.
--End brilliant Superman idea--
I don't have a concrete ending for it, yet. Maybe Superman knows something about ancient, Kryptonian computer architecture he learned while in the Fortress of Solitude. Or maybe Doomsday is the invention that Luthor finds might help Superman kill off Brainiac once and for all. Then, Superman must sacrifice himself in destroying Doomsday. I really don't have that planned out.
Anyway, in my mind this makes for a great film. They can offer an end-of-the-world type story once and reboot the franchise later. Superman gets all sorts of futuristic baddies to fight, sentinels, missiles, robots, mutant Kryptonian abominations, supercomputers, you name it. He displays his powers for all to see, but he's weak, so you never know if he's going to give out, and you feel for him because he's sort of lonely in this messed up world and yet, in the end, he concludes that he was right all along, humanity's best off with him around.
Go ahead, Hollywood. Steal this one. Make millions off of this post. Just be sure to use Williams' Superman theme when it makes sense, and only until the middle of the film, when he makes his big "comeback".
.
.
.
.
.
.
I'd see this film.
Warner Bros. figured their last Superman movie sucked balls and that comic book films turn a huge profit when they're made with skill and treated with respect. Good for them.
In the past, the media has stolen some of my ideas by their super psychic abilities to analyze my memories from afar and convert them into box office gold. While I know this isn't true, I sure wish it were. Here's two case examples:
1. Back when I was a kid I watched all the "Making of" specials and the effects programs they ran on Discovery (I think). From watching Jason and the Argonauts and its mentions on all these programs, I always thought it'd be a cool idea to bring back sword fighting skeletons on the big screen, only with pirates, and the skeletons would also be pirates (from yore, yarrgh!) but they were under some kind of curse, and as the lead baddie killed off the right people, the skeletons under his command would slowly regenerate bits and pieces until they became full-fledged human beings once again. Then came The Mummy and Pirates of the Caribbean and there goes my idea.
2. Lately, there was a news article on Digg about those annoying "I'm a Mac" ads and how Microsoft hated them and wanted to do unspeakable things to them. I suggested Microsoft come up with a marketing strategy in which Bill Gates starred in their ads because a. People really like the guy and b. He has starred in various hilarious shorts for in-house employees, like his retirement vid, the one where he works with Napoleon Dynamite, and the Driver's Wanted for IE, all of which have been a hit on the internet. Obviously, I was dugg down. Well, whaddaya know: online.wsj.com/article/SB121928939429159525.html?mod=hpp_us_whats_news He will appear in them with Jerry Seinfeld. Hey, look, I know Jerry wasn't my idea, but how do I know if the marketing team didn't read my post, buried it in hopes no one would see it, and struck gold with this ad? I'm owed money here, as far as I'm concerned.
That said, here's my brilliant idea for a Superman film, with bits and pieces which I know are contained in previous iterations of failed Superman projects.
---Begin brilliant idea for Superman film--
Don't reboot the franchise. Not just yet. Comic books retcon their main characters' storylines all the time, but they also throw one-off comics out in the air. They're mostly considered outside of canon and what ifs by fans, but they're fun. I say do this. The setting is a world in the verge of conflict. Mean, nasty, nuclear warfare. It's going to be total chaos. Superman is older. We don't know his age, because we don't know how Superman ages, but he's definitely not the young reporter he used to be. The people he loved no longer exist. No Lois Lane, no none of that. His powers have diminished somewhat and he's in distress with no net of support. He's alone, he can't sustain his secret identity forever because he can't explain why he just doesn't die of old age, the planet is going downhill despite his best efforts. He still believes in truth, justice, and the American way, but his soul faces daily bruisings by the increasingly violent and anarchic society he has seen develop since his arrival and he wonders if the world's super powers have tuned and perfected their weapons technology and turned it into this monstrous menace in response to his own super power abilities. "Let's see if the Superman can handle this". Add a bit of gray hair and a stub and who in the world would play him? Nicholas Cage? Pffft. No. Clive Owen:
War escalates. A major blast in an American desert sets off the country's alarm, but high-ranking military personnel with cooler heads call off attacks on the enemy until they get this thing sorted out, even though the public is aware of the incident and is clamoring for action. An investigation immediately goes underway and, as it turns out, it's an orb not from this world and out of it comes a computerized messiah. Earth has a new alien visitor: Brainiac. And I'm not talking about the terrible comic versions in which he's reduced to "Shrinker of Worlds" (see the pun? laugh at my pun!). Like Mr. Freeze before him, the best version of Brainiac comes from the Animated Series.
The rest of the story follows along the same path: Brainiac, once the supercomputer that ran most of the day-to-day operations on Krypton, offers peace by sharing his intricate knowledge of technologies and civilizations from all over the galaxy, in exchange for mining Earth's own data. LuthorCorp, creator and sometimes operator of the most advanced computer and defense systems on Earth, offers its intelligence and infrastructure in aid of the cyborg. For the hell of it, Luthor himself does exist in this universe and is running things on the corporate side. This time he's interested in helping the U.S. and its allies deter the course of war and squash the enemy with the best he has, and so is also lured by Brainiac's knowledge on how to create Doomsday (this could get cut because it may turn out to be too much for one movie). For the record, the best Lex Luthor would be anyone who can look and act like Yul Brynner.
Superman has his own reservations, though. He is intrigued by his new Kryptonian friend and is eager to know everything about his homeworld as best he can and is hopeful that this could very well turn out to be cultural exchange Earth so desperately needs. On the other hand, this robot thing did leave Krypton unscathed and ready on time. What is he really up to? Superman begs Luthor to be cautious and while Luthor puts their rivalry aside for this cause, he's annoyed at Superman's overprotectiveness and, besides, he can't let him in too close on his secret Doomsday weapon and he's not too trustul himself. He's got a plan B: an entire arsenal aimed at Brainiac's center of operations in case anything goes wrong.
(What may be cut): Eventually, Doomsday is unleashed on the enemy (for the sake of argument, let's say they're Nazis. Chinese nazis if it helps). As expected, Doomsday completely overruns the communist Nazis and destroys them one by one. However, he can't be controlled or, apparently, destroyed. Swarms of unmanned weapons (courtesy of Brainiac's vast knowledge) are sent its way to no avail. The area is evacuated and Superman is sent to destroy Doomsday with the help of Luthor's newest creations. Ultimately, he prevails, but just as his stamina drops, Luthor's army bots and missiles aim for him!(end Olympic Gold medalist Nazis and Doomsday storyline)
He escapes only to find the horrific truth: that was no Luthor signature on the attack form. Brainiac, as it turns out, is intending to destroy Earth. Superman learns Brainiac's past: as Krypton's ultimate supercomputer, it was aware of the planet's upcoming catastrophe. Thinking that only the records of Krypton have any value whatsoever (after all, he is a data cruncher), he misleads Krypton's council of elders and chooses to save himself, the destruction of Krypton a mere natural proceeding of events. Ever since, he has data mined planet after planet, destroying each and every one and preserving their records in his memory, to be accessed by him, and him alone.
Superman must stop it. He enlists the help of Luthor, but it's too late. Luthor's Plan B fails. Brainiac has copied its programming into all of Luthor's creations and network of computers, ensuring its survival, and a swift destruction of Earth. While Luthor fights for a workaround, Superman confronts Brainiac mano a mano. It's a toughie, as now Brainiac's consciousness has decentralized into a whole network spanning the globe, but Superman finds the "man" behind it all. I imagine the classic Brainiac look (minus the hokey green skin tone) and the ability to couple to its surroundings, kind of calling them into his being, but always with a droid-like figure at its core, a well-defined feature you can easily tell apart from the rest of the scrap and metal. Seriously, isn't this cool?
Brainiac is confident that he'll get away with his plans, but instead of cackling like a maniac, he tries to win over the man of steel with the promise of restoring Krypton and suggests one of its cities may still exist (alluding to the "Shrinker of Worlds" bit). Earth is doomed, anyway. Didn't you see those godless Nazis over? And The Mandarin over there (not the Mandarin, but a bad, Middle-Eastern guy). Unbeknownst to him, humanity has gathered in trying to destroy the alien menace ever since Doomsday got out of control. They're all on ONE side now. Brainiac is toast, but only if Superman (and Luthor) can figure out a way to defeat him.
--End brilliant Superman idea--
I don't have a concrete ending for it, yet. Maybe Superman knows something about ancient, Kryptonian computer architecture he learned while in the Fortress of Solitude. Or maybe Doomsday is the invention that Luthor finds might help Superman kill off Brainiac once and for all. Then, Superman must sacrifice himself in destroying Doomsday. I really don't have that planned out.
Anyway, in my mind this makes for a great film. They can offer an end-of-the-world type story once and reboot the franchise later. Superman gets all sorts of futuristic baddies to fight, sentinels, missiles, robots, mutant Kryptonian abominations, supercomputers, you name it. He displays his powers for all to see, but he's weak, so you never know if he's going to give out, and you feel for him because he's sort of lonely in this messed up world and yet, in the end, he concludes that he was right all along, humanity's best off with him around.
Go ahead, Hollywood. Steal this one. Make millions off of this post. Just be sure to use Williams' Superman theme when it makes sense, and only until the middle of the film, when he makes his big "comeback".
.
.
.
.
.
.
I'd see this film.